I have become a crotchety old grammar hawk. Or, to be more specific, I have become Dr. Crowder.

Why the zeal for grammarian peevishness? Because my students, in spite of a week's worth of lessons on grammar, cannot seem to write more than a paragraph without spitting out at least one comma splice. Out of 19 papers, only three received As, and of those there were two 90s and one 92.

I think I hate myself more than ever.